Gen X Ruminations: Intro
It’s time to hear it for the forgotten generation: Generation X. That’s right, the “slackers”. The original, “live in the basement ’til you’re thirty generation”. The first (but hardly the last) generation to be crapped upon by our Boomer overlords.
You remember us. We actually know what high school was like in the 1980s. We shaped the 1990s and saved Rock n Roll from the pathetic mediocrity of hair bands featuring rapidly aging Boomers packed into leather pants and sporting make-up that was a sad tribute to the legacy of Bowie and Iggy.
We remember when MTV played music…all day…with a playlist that extended well beyond twelve songs. We celebrated the second British Invasion, got serious about BMX, hacky sack, mix tapes and the boombox.
“I’m fickin’ to snag those 3-piece cranks off that Mongoose and book! My Huffy will be bitchin’!”
We had to fight for our right to party and preferred cocaine with a side of killer bud and Polo-scented U Men sweatshirts to the body odor funk of the gratefully dead. LSD wasn’t about mind expansion, it was about staying up for three days during finals week and fucking like a terminator.
But, while I intend to touch on all of that and more, we Gen X’rs should be recognized for something else: Our unique, and woefully overlooked, place between two much larger generations. That’s right, we occupy the unfortunate region of cloth on any pair of underwear that gets uncomfortably wedged between two ass cheeks.
“Mmmmm, moist.” (Did I mention the Simpsons? Some of us even remember Life in Hell.)
We were universally despised by a privileged Boomer generation that has been proven to be the most two-faced demographic in American history. When Boomers were young, war was bad, abortion needed to be safe and legal, and it was good to tune in, turn on and drop out. But, by the time Gen X began to emerge, and many Boomers were in the midst of menopause, war was discretionary, abortion rights needed to be “rethought”, and we needed a War on Drugs to return us to moral righteousness. After all, thanks to an end to the draft, the Boomers wouldn’t be sending their kids to fight and die, they were past the age of facing an unwanted pregnancy and acceptable drugs came with prescriptions and the approval of big pharma.
As we’ve grown older, we’ve been increasingly faced with the challenge of addressing the godless brood many Boomers spawned: The vapid Millennials. While this generation has produced a handful of stunning notables who built global businesses and fortunes no 19th century robber baron could dream of, the majority have cursed us with social norms that have given all Gen X’rs ample reasons to scream while we drive. Empowered by technology that few if any of them had any role in developing, the Millennials arrogantly assert their influence on the world by employing the same leverage enjoyed by the Boomers: They have numbers. Do they have anything else? I think one could suggest the answer is “no”. They sure as hell aren’t original. If I see one more remake of a 1980’s movie or TV show I’m going to…you know…scream in my car. Do we need another re-tooling of Dirty Dancing or a paper-thin remake of a song that broke real ground in the 90s? Hey kids! How about a show featuring a thirsty squad of California lifeguards who save puppies and run in slo-mo? (I’m sure it’s already in development.) We’re talking about a generation that have “challenged” themselves by eating industrial products and dumping ice on their heads to produce videos for global consumption. They bravely pioneered “reality” TV that features — and this is the whole show — a group of fellow vapidiots sitting around a house and bitching about each other. OMG! They were the first to celebrate a Facebook platform that, as others have accurately put it, “combines insatiable voyeurism with unfettered narcissism”. Perfect.
“Look Mom! I made poo!” Get out the phone….
Did I mention narcissism? I don’t believe there’s been a song written since 1998 that doesn’t focus on the themes of “I, me or my”. I mean, Millennials have built entire careers on bodies of work that amount to nothing more than their personal diaries. Don’t get me wrong, I love Taylor Swift — some states require it by law — but do I really need to hear about another break-up and her inevitable “rise above” moment? No…no I don’t. Who, among this woke generation, will demonstrate the keen insights necessary to write another Eleanor Rigby or Ventura Highway or Crazy Mary….or Say Hello to Heaven? You know, songs that ain’t all about you! (Some don’t even mention you…) How did a generation that lives 85% of their lives on phones that can connect them to THE ENTIRE WORLD become so endlessly fascinated with themselves? I suppose I’ll have to research the answer on Tik Tok.
But I digress. (Old man screams at cloud? Sure.)
My point is, it’s time for Gen X to step out of the shadows and enjoy a few sentimental recollections of their unique experience. That’s what this series is all about, as told through the eyes and ears of one who was there: Me, me, me. Does that make it more appealing, Millennials? It shouldn’t. I don’t intend to cry about my feelings or make any redundant declarations about social injustices that many before us recognized long ago. I’m just going to tell some stories for entertainment’s sake, reveal in greater detail what the 80s and 90s really were and why the transition from Boomers to Millennials required a little-celebrated generation that experienced a world which changed entirely within thirty fleeting years.
So, stretch your hamstrings, get out your hacky sack and join me, won’t you?
